Developing Relationships

We are now at midterm of the Fall Semester and many of our new students have developed the friendships and social groups that they may keep for the next four years. I think that it is great that our freshmen are making friends, I am a little concerned that many of them may be a little too exclusive at this point of their time in college. I say this because I am already hearing from students who have decided on their apartment groups for next school year.

Although I have no specific research to prove the next point, I do believe limited friendships can be one of the biggest reasons why students decide not to return as student. Here are three reasons: first, I think that some students leave because our students are not reaching out to them and befriending them (especially obvious with our transfer students). Second, some students do not like the person they are become, because of their friendships; these students believe that they cannot pursue new relationships due to pressures from, or proximity to current friends and these students will leave campus and blame it on the school rather than hurt their friends. The third reason results from the changing nature of personalities and friendships; as students develop as individuals or they tend to draw closer to particular friends, and other friendships can become less significant; causing frustrated friends who sometimes leave the institution rather than develop new friendships.

As Residence Life staff we should be cognizant of the development of tight friendships, cliques, and even couples who tend to be isolated from their peers. Our job is to nurture relationship development and that should not end in September. Yes, our programming options and events can be used to expand student perspectives, intellectually and socially. However, this should also be the goal in informal settings, by taking time to introduce students to others in the lobby, the cafeteria, or other opportunities that develop. Leaders should take every opportunity to build stronger bonds with people and among people they lead. This is a practice we should develop now, and take with us beyond our time in Residence Life.

Imagine the relationships that could be developed if this was practices within our churches.