Post-Confrontation

Question: "How are we helping students by ignoring or minimizing our responsibilities to ourselves, the institution, but mostly to the students choosing to violate a campus policy?"

Answer: "We aren't!" But relationships do not begin and end with confrontation.

We all know by now that one of the toughest parts of being an RA or even a ResLife Professional is when we need to confront someone about their behavior and their choices. We tend to want to avoid the confrontation or second-guess our opinions, actions or reactions, when we are simply doing our job by enforcing what is already known (most of the time). Most of us like the nicer side of Student Development: the relationships, the activities, the food and the fun.

An even bigger problem is when we put all of our time and effort into addressing problems and then focus on catching them again.

When a student makes a mistake it is important for correction to take place, but even more important is showing them that they are still important and that you still care.

A couple of good examples from MVNU:

A. The Maplewood and Elmwood staff have been intentional to reach out to any of their residents that are on social probation. They engage them in discussion, invite them to spend time with the staff and they make sure they understand they are important.

B. Lee Yowell tries to meet with many of the students who have received major discipline schedules from his office. Although this is done in a formal setting, he tries to make it more relaxed and informal by asking about the student's opinion of the process, adding humor, and asks questions about how things are going since the discipline occurred.

Here are some ideas for dealing with someone after any time of confrontation (large or small):
1. Respect their privacy; don't make them feel awkward in front of other people.
2. Don't bring up the issue very often; move on to new subjects.
3. Smile and say hi to them by name when passing each other.
4. Genuinely care about them and show them that.
5. If ever possible, invite them to participate in activities. Build a relationship beyond discipline.
6. Invite them to a meal.
7. Pray with them.
8. Even if they give you dirty looks or the silent treatment, don't give up on them, just work harder on the relationship and pray even harder.